Dear Pedestrians and Drivers of the tiny (however charming) city we so affectionately dub: “Old Town”. I have a few thoughts burdening me and truly, I need to get them off my chest. After moving from the ever ghettofying clutches of southern Maryland, I’ve come to the realization that OT people annoy me as well. Perhaps it’s me. Yeah, it’s probably definitely me. My cynicism toward entitled people grows because of the following issues.
Drivers: What NOT to do.
- Have you ever heard of four way stops? There are magical signs in bright red that tell us to STOP. If three other cars arrive at the intersection, whom ever stopped first should go first. So no, slowing down, quickly checking for cops, coasting through, and accelerating back to 50 mph in .47 seconds is not acceptable.
- The fact that your typical muscle car (most likely a Mustang or Camero) can accelerate to 50 mph in .47 seconds does not impress me. Actually as a pedestrian, I would say this slightly alarms me.
- Why must you stop suddenly in the middle of the road to “park” when there is a perfectly decent parking lane directly to your right? And why does oncoming traffic feel the need to actually speed up so that I can’t get around you? I do not comprehend.
4. If there is a gigantic sign at an intersection with a no turn left in bright red, why do you feel the need to attempt to turn left anyway? And why is it necessary to make this feeble attempt during rush hour? Your really ought to feel ashamed of yourself, even embarrassed. Because now every single car trying to get around you/behind you/ in front of you is now flipping you off and calling you a douchebag. Figure it out.
- Just because you (or your rich husband) can afford a BMW convertible does not make you more entitled to the road than other people. Hell, I see about 17 of those convertibles lining the same street on my same walk every damn day. So no, your special car does not make you extra special.
- I forget what I was going to say, but it was good. You should feel lucky.
Pedestrians: What NOT to do.
- There are intersections with lights. Lots of them . And they all have magical signs that tell us when it’s okay to cross. Is there a white man walking? Is there a neon orange sign telling you not to step into oncoming traffic? Read it. Learn it. And quit flipping drivers off for going around you when you make stupid decisions.
- I realize you have the right to cross at a four way stop. However, could you do the world a favor and pay attention? I realize that the four blocks from your front door to the local pub can get so monotonous and boring that you absolutely must listen to your iPod (so loud that everyone around you can also listen to your obnoxious music) and/or text everyone you know on the planet, but do you remember the rules your mommy taught you? Stop. Listen. Look. Then go. Go back to that mantra. It might work out better for you in the end. As in, save your life.
3. Yes, I understand that you are lazy and therefore, would prefer to J walk behind the giant truck obstructing the view of oncoming traffic. But ask yourself, is this a healthy decision? Will I live to J walk another day? Try J walking when there aren't about fourteen cars speeding up toward the next four way stop. And perhaps try not to step out behind the giant white truck obstructing everyone's view. Just sayin'.
I realize that not everyone is a total ass in every situation involving the road. Hell, even I have my classy moments. But seriously, I find myself wondering why everyone walks/drives around like zombies. I don’t understand it. At least, if nothing else- the constant chaos that involves stupid people on a daily basis causes me to stop and be grateful for those few kind people who actually, I don’t know, drive/walk legally. Or even wave someone forward at a stop sign. It’s just nice.
So next time someone stops for you, smiles and waves you on, pay that tiny, miniscule kindness forward. Because you never know when you might see that kindness again.
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