Look back to move forward.

Living through break ups.  It's all just another element of living, isn't it?  Pondering the events of a past time causes memories to emerge, even in the middle of dreamless, sleepless nights.  Listening to street sounds and air vents sent me into wonder of the heart breaking emotion followed by numbness, perhaps even emptiness, and then rebuilding.  Everyone experiences this- not everyone wishes to revisit it.

We were always a contradiction, he and I.  For years we created our own articulate arguments, even when they meant nothing to us except a competition over words. It never really mattered why or what we needed to say because we only had to be right. And I sank into the overtones of constant argument while listening and reacting to the ridiculous device on my ear.  After awhile, I simply stopped arguing- even when he begged to hear it one last time.

I had a lot of nerve and he watched me throw that curve overhead until I lost track of time.  and distance.  It didn't matter anymore that he kept track.  I found pain in the peace we pretended to have and I was too busy just to grasp a hand.  But I had the support, nonetheless, and then all of this.  

All of this is just a collection of recollections I keep finding among thoughts entwined around a name.

 I know now... I know that pen will never make a mark again.